I found things considerabley harder to cope with when i entered year 10 (age 15) as stress of GCSE's where getting to me aswell as all these comments people were saying to me, but somehow they were getting worse and i couldn't understand why. So i was feeling contsantly put down and low and i couldn't actually see a way out, i felt like i just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up or get hit by a car, i just wanted a way to escape from all this pain that i was going through, because there was nothing i could do to escape from it.
And on the night that it all started i wrote out things similar to this :
- i hate being ginger
- i hate being fat
- i wish i could die
- no girl will ever love me
- i'll always be alone and miserable
And so on, and this is how i felt and i needed something and i was just looking for things in my room to occupy me and i found a pen knife, and i checked out all the different parts and as i turned it round i pricked my finger with the blade, and i suddenly felt very satistfied, and i took the blade to my wrist and continuously slashed it making it bleed and bleed, and i repeated this on my other wrist aswell, and i started really enjoying it as i saw this as the end of my life and my start to another, but i was interupted by a text which said
'Dan, thanks for always being here for me xxx'
which made my heat sink, how could i leave her after all she's been through, she needs me to be alive!
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