After that incident i became so self conscious as i didnt want people to see my cuts and how badly i had hurt myself and after i had done it i felt alot more at ease with my self as that had be the outlet for my emotion as i'm not really someone that cries, i bottle my emotions up until i cant take anymore, and that is usually my down fall, but when people started to notice my cuts, they kind of stepped away abit and became distance, eventhough i knew that some of them had selfharmed at one point or another, none of them really gave me the support that i needed.
But i couldnt tell my mum or any one of authority because i didnt want to have to go to hosiptal and have therapy and talk about what had happened, because i wouldnt be able to deal with it all. And thats when a friend suggested auditiong for the school musical, and once i got into that the cheery music and alter ego of someone from the past helped me to forget who i waomentarily, but as soon as that was over the rumours about me being gay got more malicious and even though i had a girlfriend, people still spread them, and just as my previous cuts had healed i could feel that new ones were going to coming in the near future.
My girlfriend fully understand what i was going through because she'd had a similar issue in the past and she really helped me, but when she broke up with me, i just hated myself again because i though it was because :
- i'm too fat
- i'm ugly
- i'm not manly enough
- i'm ginger
and it all czme flooding back to me and i took thee knife into my grasp and plunged it into my demise as the blood came flowing out the anger disappeared.
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